If not now, then when?

Or should I say why then and not now? My recent adventures have thrown the answer to these questions right in my face, and gratefully justified my habit of being quite impulsive. I sometimes jump right into the deep end without entirely thinking it over… I don’t mean spontaneous nights out – I mean booking a random trip to Ibiza, or randomly deciding to get a new tattoo while laying in the sand at Burleigh, and half an hour later walking out of a tattoo parlour with a new piece of art branded on me. Some of my friends have told me I’m crazy, or I’m brave for being so impetuous all the time. But, why wait? ‘One day’ isn’t going to be any better than today, and most of the time ‘one day’ means never.

If-not-now-then-when

Not everything is possible for everyone and I understand it may be quite impossible to just buy that house, become an entrepreneur, or move across the state. However, if you hope to someday have that something in your life, you should be bent down paving those stepping stones in your life today. If what your life comprises today doesn’t mirror what it will be someday, then how do you expect to get there?

For my 23rd birthday last month, my best friend and I went on to cheapflights.com, scanned the ‘everywhere’ list for the cheapest flights and out of three, chose Malta. Just because it looked pretty and well we had never heard of it before (my geography is getting better I promise). After some Instagram stalking, I made an oath that I was not leaving that country until I saw the beautiful Azure window on the island of Gozo. After a massive night out celebrating my birthday with some random (but fun) Swedish people, we got home at 5am, feeling like death with absolutely no motivation to get out of bed before the pm. Proudly, we actually left the hostel at a reasonable hour, and I’m so glad we did. We finally reached Dwerja Bay, to admire the Azure Window. It was honestly the most stunning site, that it took my breath away. I still can’t believe that nature formed such perfection over crystal blue waters.

Just 8 days later, the entire structure collapsed into the ocean. Gone. I’m so thankful that mine (and my friends) impulsiveness granted us the opportunity of seeing such beauty before it was unexpectedly gone forever. It was like the universe had sent me a reminder to emphasize just how fleeting this world can be, and assured me that I’ve done the right thing by briefly leaving those I love to see what may not always be presented to me.

I moved from Australia to England a few months ago, and although at my age I don’t have much to hold me back from doing so, there were still some things that could have. Ever since I was a teenager I knew I wanted to do at least a year abroad, and it came up so quickly I still pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming. I’d lived in Queensland all of life and quite physically felt rooted to the ground. I had my degree to complete, my family and friends, an apartment full of belongings and a car loan – standard. I’m a full-time University student and when I decided I wanted to move abroad I knew I couldn’t defer, because third year blues would have stopped me from ever going back at all! I looked at my options and before I knew it I got accepted to a sister Uni in South England. As a student, I wasn’t exactly in the best financial position, so… I sold everything I owned. I literally drove my ass down to the Carrara markets at 4:30am on a few Sundays and sold everything out of the back of my friend’s car. From old shoes, to my couches, and even my tea towels. I sold it all and booked my flights. I obviously couldn’t take my family and friends with me. I had to jump this journey without them but I know I will always see them soon. Unfortunately, I have no solution for the car loan, it still exists (sorry guys). It’s only been two months, and I’ve already made some amazing memories, which I wouldn’t have been granted had I not sacrificed these things to be here.

I know that when I get home I will have to start fresh, because right now all I own is a bag on my back and a suitcase at my feet. I know that I’m missing a full year of my siblings lives, and my baby nephews. But it is so worth it. I can’t wait to tell them of my stories, and teach them what I’ve learnt.

There is still so much of this world that I am yet to see. You don’t need to just jump into your dream path, but live a part of it in a small way now, and you will be able to see it in the distance.

The answer to my restless feet was to just get started. I think that’s a pretty palpable solution. But when is this ‘one day’ you plan to get started? Because life has proved to me that tomorrow will arrive with more unexpected change, and even more fleeting than yesterday.

– Haylee x

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